I went to visit my grandma today. Since we moved to Tennessee a few years ago I don't have the opportunity to see her very often, but when we visit Arkansas, I try to see her every day.
I love my grandma. She was the person in my life who allowed me to be me when I was growing up - no questions, no expectations. Just love. It seems like she was often a little cross with most of my cousins, but I never really remember her ever being that way with me, although I'm sure that she was occasionally.
The dogwoods are blooming here, and I'm reminded that spring was special because every year she and I would spend a Saturday in April driving to the Missouri line looking at dogwood trees. When I was 11 or 12 she let me drive the entire trip - every boy's dream. I don't know what she was thinking...
In March she and my grandpa celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary. An amazing achievement in today's world.
She didn't know who I was today. It's been this way for several years now, and you would think that I would get used to it, but I haven't. She now lives in the distant past, the 1920's, 30's, & 40's, and asks for her daddy. Parkinson's has taken her mind and body, and moments of mental clarity are rare.
Now that I'm a parent I understand that grandparents provide a balance of wisdom and patience that parents usually aren't able to demonstrate. They've been there, done that, and realize that many of the things that we parents believe are so important probably really aren't.
I think that my grandma tried to counter my strict childhood home. I don't think that my parents ever realized that she tried to do so. I'm really grateful that she took the time to be involved in her grandson's life.
On one of my visits last fall was having a good day. I could tell by the look on her face that she recognized my voice when I said hi, and I tried to talk to her a little bit before she slipped back into the past.
I'm concerned about the fact that my kids don't have a grandma close by to balance out our parenting, to provide guidance and love. They don't get the opportunity to spend the night at grandma's, or go fishing with grandpa. I wonder what experiences my kids are missing out on, how their grandparents could be impacting their lives if distance and circumstances were a little different.
It's too late to tell her this, but... thanks, grandma.
Okay, I am tearing up here, big brother, I love you and miss you and miss our grandma, too.
ReplyDeleteOK, so you made me cry too. Interesting about the cranky - I assume it was the cousins whose mother did not like her. Paulette thinks she was cranky, too, but I don't remember her that way. Maybe the people she was cranky with were the ones who deserved cranky.
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