How do you teach your children the meaning of giving? We've struggled with how to help our kids understand that there's more to life than "getting", and that the latest, greatest, newest "toy" isn't free. We've asked them to contribute small monetary amounts for different family projects, or maybe they have to go with us while we put in extra time at church or the occasional community service, but how do we show them what a gift or time can mean to someone in need?
This story is about my oldest son, Garrett, and a choice that he made this past Christmas.
We knew that we were going to buy both he and his brother a bike for Christmas. Garrett had beat his bike to pieces, and Grayson outgrew his months earlier.
We pick a "family" cause to give to every Christmas. Usually that consists of us giving an anonymous gift to someone, and the boys are usually asked to pitch in a little bit of their own money.
Garrett's 9 years old, and we felt that it was time for him to understand that there are children in our own area who don't have a ton of presents under the tree, and that there's more to Christmas than "getting".
We bought most of the boy's presents (way more than we should have!), and determined who we would give to this year, but we were really struggling with how to show Garrett what Christmas is really about. We decided to give him an option for his biggest Christmas present - we told him that both he and Grayson would be receiving a bike, but that we wanted him to consider deferring his bike until spring so that we could give a larger "family" gift to someone who needed it. I told him that his mom & I were not going to buy gifts for each other this Christmas - finances have been tighter at our house too.
We let him know that it was his choice - and that we would love and support him no matter what his decision was. We also let him know that regardless of his choice, his younger brother (age 5) would receive a bike on Christmas morning.
Some might think that we were unfair to Garrett. Honestly, he really struggled with the decision. It took him 3 days to decide that he wanted his bike for Christmas. I told him that I understood, and that he would receive a bike on Christmas morning.
He was miserable. Really miserable.
About 2 hours later he came back and said that he had changed his mind. He wasn't very sure about changing his mind, and I told him to wait until the next morning and we would decide what he wanted to do.
The next morning he knew what he wanted to do, and had no hesitation. A few days later I swore him to secrecy on who the gift was for and we went to purchase the gift cards. I watched him walk up to the person (who hopefully didn't know who he was), hand them a card and say "Merry Christmas", and then walk away.
I could tell by the look on his face that he understood what Christmas, what giving, is really about. He got it.
We learned a couple of days later that the need was greater than we realized, and I hope that we were a blessing to someone in need.
It was hard not to go ahead and buy him an awesome bike for Christmas - I wanted to find the best bike around for him, but felt that doing so would have devalued the lesson that he learned.
It's April now, and we just bought the bike. He wanted an orange Mongoose mountain bike (wonder if Tennessee orange is starting to run through his veins?). I would have bought him any bike he wanted. We spent an entire Saturday looking for that bike. I would have spent 2 Saturdays, whatever it took, to find that bike.
I am so proud of my son. He made a difficult choice and learned a valuable lesson. I still choke up (read "get teary eyed" - ha!) when I think about how hard it was for him to choose to defer his biggest Christmas present.
But he got it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Gift from 1890
I was recently given a Bible that belonged to my great-great grandfather, given to him by his father. In the front cover is written:
"A present made to Elias I. Kennedy, April the 8, AD 1890, by his father, Jas (James) L. Kennedy, with a hope that he will read and obey the teaching of this Holy Bible, for in it we may learn the way of Life."
It's probably a "church" Bible, but you can tell that it was used. The cover is worn, and the binding edges are torn. I'm sure that some of it is due to it's age, but it's been in storage for years, and is in good condition.
I think that it's pretty cool.
I have a tendency to look forward most of the time. I've kept a journal (albeit occasionally) for several years specifically for the purpose of giving my boys something to look back at some point in the undetermined future. It has some things about my life, challenges, and successes; but it mainly has stuff about our family's life, and what I'm learning everyday. It's written in the present tense to both of the boys, and someday when they read it I hope that they'll feel that I'm right there with them.
I also have a stack of Bibles, a couple of which are well-worn. My current Bible is starting to fall apart, but I can't talk myself into getting a new one. I decided a couple of years ago that I was going to mark it up with the passages, sermons, and lessons that I've learned, and it's special to me.
The book of Judges teaches us that we are all leaving a legacy. Let's witness three generation of Israelites....
The first generation followed one of the greatest leaders in world history. They witnessed as Moses called down the 10 plagues against the Egyptians, walked across the Rea Sea on dry ground. They saw God provide water and manna, quail and sustenance. And then as the 1st generation passed away, the 2nd generation was lead by mighty Joshua - they saw the power of God as they conquered Jericho and then the land of Canaan. After Joshua's death, "another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done in Israel," and "then the children of Israel did evil in the sight of he Lord..."
One generation!!
We are charged to continually be writing into our kid's lives. This is an everyday process, and they are watching every move that we make. For the most part, we parents instill our child's beliefs and values, and our actions speak much louder than our words.
Back to my Bible - I hope that someday, again at an undetermined time, one of my boys will be able to carefully open it up and be blessed. I hope that they see a man whose life was blessed and full - but also a man who was constantly growing.
I hope they think it's cool.
But more than that, I hope that they have a relationship with the God who is the center of my Bible.
Psalms 78:4 "We will not hide them from their children, telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and His strength and His wonderful works that He has done."
"A present made to Elias I. Kennedy, April the 8, AD 1890, by his father, Jas (James) L. Kennedy, with a hope that he will read and obey the teaching of this Holy Bible, for in it we may learn the way of Life."
It's probably a "church" Bible, but you can tell that it was used. The cover is worn, and the binding edges are torn. I'm sure that some of it is due to it's age, but it's been in storage for years, and is in good condition.
I think that it's pretty cool.
I have a tendency to look forward most of the time. I've kept a journal (albeit occasionally) for several years specifically for the purpose of giving my boys something to look back at some point in the undetermined future. It has some things about my life, challenges, and successes; but it mainly has stuff about our family's life, and what I'm learning everyday. It's written in the present tense to both of the boys, and someday when they read it I hope that they'll feel that I'm right there with them.
I also have a stack of Bibles, a couple of which are well-worn. My current Bible is starting to fall apart, but I can't talk myself into getting a new one. I decided a couple of years ago that I was going to mark it up with the passages, sermons, and lessons that I've learned, and it's special to me.
The book of Judges teaches us that we are all leaving a legacy. Let's witness three generation of Israelites....
The first generation followed one of the greatest leaders in world history. They witnessed as Moses called down the 10 plagues against the Egyptians, walked across the Rea Sea on dry ground. They saw God provide water and manna, quail and sustenance. And then as the 1st generation passed away, the 2nd generation was lead by mighty Joshua - they saw the power of God as they conquered Jericho and then the land of Canaan. After Joshua's death, "another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done in Israel," and "then the children of Israel did evil in the sight of he Lord..."
One generation!!
We are charged to continually be writing into our kid's lives. This is an everyday process, and they are watching every move that we make. For the most part, we parents instill our child's beliefs and values, and our actions speak much louder than our words.
Back to my Bible - I hope that someday, again at an undetermined time, one of my boys will be able to carefully open it up and be blessed. I hope that they see a man whose life was blessed and full - but also a man who was constantly growing.
I hope they think it's cool.
But more than that, I hope that they have a relationship with the God who is the center of my Bible.
Psalms 78:4 "We will not hide them from their children, telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and His strength and His wonderful works that He has done."
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
everyone needs a grandma....
I went to visit my grandma today. Since we moved to Tennessee a few years ago I don't have the opportunity to see her very often, but when we visit Arkansas, I try to see her every day.
I love my grandma. She was the person in my life who allowed me to be me when I was growing up - no questions, no expectations. Just love. It seems like she was often a little cross with most of my cousins, but I never really remember her ever being that way with me, although I'm sure that she was occasionally.
The dogwoods are blooming here, and I'm reminded that spring was special because every year she and I would spend a Saturday in April driving to the Missouri line looking at dogwood trees. When I was 11 or 12 she let me drive the entire trip - every boy's dream. I don't know what she was thinking...
In March she and my grandpa celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary. An amazing achievement in today's world.
She didn't know who I was today. It's been this way for several years now, and you would think that I would get used to it, but I haven't. She now lives in the distant past, the 1920's, 30's, & 40's, and asks for her daddy. Parkinson's has taken her mind and body, and moments of mental clarity are rare.
Now that I'm a parent I understand that grandparents provide a balance of wisdom and patience that parents usually aren't able to demonstrate. They've been there, done that, and realize that many of the things that we parents believe are so important probably really aren't.
I think that my grandma tried to counter my strict childhood home. I don't think that my parents ever realized that she tried to do so. I'm really grateful that she took the time to be involved in her grandson's life.
On one of my visits last fall was having a good day. I could tell by the look on her face that she recognized my voice when I said hi, and I tried to talk to her a little bit before she slipped back into the past.
I'm concerned about the fact that my kids don't have a grandma close by to balance out our parenting, to provide guidance and love. They don't get the opportunity to spend the night at grandma's, or go fishing with grandpa. I wonder what experiences my kids are missing out on, how their grandparents could be impacting their lives if distance and circumstances were a little different.
It's too late to tell her this, but... thanks, grandma.
I love my grandma. She was the person in my life who allowed me to be me when I was growing up - no questions, no expectations. Just love. It seems like she was often a little cross with most of my cousins, but I never really remember her ever being that way with me, although I'm sure that she was occasionally.
The dogwoods are blooming here, and I'm reminded that spring was special because every year she and I would spend a Saturday in April driving to the Missouri line looking at dogwood trees. When I was 11 or 12 she let me drive the entire trip - every boy's dream. I don't know what she was thinking...
In March she and my grandpa celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary. An amazing achievement in today's world.
She didn't know who I was today. It's been this way for several years now, and you would think that I would get used to it, but I haven't. She now lives in the distant past, the 1920's, 30's, & 40's, and asks for her daddy. Parkinson's has taken her mind and body, and moments of mental clarity are rare.
Now that I'm a parent I understand that grandparents provide a balance of wisdom and patience that parents usually aren't able to demonstrate. They've been there, done that, and realize that many of the things that we parents believe are so important probably really aren't.
I think that my grandma tried to counter my strict childhood home. I don't think that my parents ever realized that she tried to do so. I'm really grateful that she took the time to be involved in her grandson's life.
On one of my visits last fall was having a good day. I could tell by the look on her face that she recognized my voice when I said hi, and I tried to talk to her a little bit before she slipped back into the past.
I'm concerned about the fact that my kids don't have a grandma close by to balance out our parenting, to provide guidance and love. They don't get the opportunity to spend the night at grandma's, or go fishing with grandpa. I wonder what experiences my kids are missing out on, how their grandparents could be impacting their lives if distance and circumstances were a little different.
It's too late to tell her this, but... thanks, grandma.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)